Aromatherapy + Massage + Lymphatic Work + Quiet, Steady Presence
(A client story, the oils I chose, and why gentle touch can be medicine)
Grief doesn’t only live in the mind. It lives in the throat you can’t swallow past, the chest that feels pinned, the stomach that turns, the shoulders that climb up towards your ears, and the nervous system that can’t find “safe” again.
Yesterday I held space for a third session with a male client who recently lost a close friend. By the time someone books their third appointment, you can usually feel it: the body has started to trust. The guard drops a fraction. The breath goes deeper. The truth begins to rise.
This session was not about “fixing” grief. It was about supporting the body as it released what it had been carrying.
What we did was simple, precise, and deeply human: aromatherapy + massage + lymphatic work + quiet, steady presence. And when the moment asked for it, a little extra support in the form of crystals and flower essences to take home.
Grief and the nervous system: why the body needs holding
When someone is grieving, their nervous system often swings between two states:
- Hyperarousal: tight chest, racing thoughts, agitation, insomnia, anxiety.
- Hypoarousal: numbness, fog, shutdown, “I can’t feel anything”, exhaustion.
Sometimes it can alternate in the same day. Grief isn’t linear. It’s waves, and the body is the shoreline.
This is where therapeutic touch and slow, grounded aromatherapy can be profoundly supportive. Not because it erases loss, but because it helps the body come out of survival mode long enough to process what’s real.
There’s also emerging evidence that manual lymphatic drainage (MLD), a gentle rhythmic technique, can influence psychological stress and autonomic activity in some contexts, shifting the nervous system toward a more restful state.
And that’s exactly what grief requires: moments of rest inside the storm.
The Blend: Black Pepper, Fragonia, and Plai
For this session, I chose Black Pepper, Fragonia, and Plai.
Black Pepper: warmth, grounding, emotional stamina
Black Pepper is a “warmed-from-within” oil. It’s comforting, strengthening, and often used when someone feels depleted or emotionally tired. I use it when a client needs support, resilience, and the sense of being held together.
In grief, people can feel hollowed out. Black Pepper helps bring a gentle sense of “back in the body”.
Fragonia: emotional balance and soft integration
Fragonia is often used by aromatherapists for emotional balance and relaxation. I find it has a soothing quality that supports people when feelings are messy, layered, and hard to name. It’s like it helps the emotional body reorganise itself without being forced.
Plai: body comfort when the body is carrying the load
Plai (Zingiber cassumunar) is traditionally used in Thai massage and is commonly associated with physical comfort for aches and tension. I like it when grief shows up as tightness, heaviness, and guarding in the tissues.
Grief is emotional, but it’s also muscular. People brace without noticing. Plai supports softening.
https://oshadhi.co.uk/plai-essential-oil
Important note: Essential oils are powerful and must be used safely, properly diluted, and tailored to the individual. If you are pregnant, have asthma, epilepsy, are on medication, or have a medical condition, please get professional guidance before using oils at home.
The session: lymphatic drainage, slow massage, and gentle hand holding
This was one of those sessions where the treatment plan was a conversation between practitioner and nervous system.
We combined:
- Gentle lymphatic drainage techniques to support relaxation and fluid movement
- Soft, slow massage to unwind guarded tissue and invite breath
- Intentional, steady hand contact (yes, hand holding when appropriate) because sometimes grief needs a human anchor more than another technique
At one point the tears arrived properly. Not the polite kind. The real kind. The kind that shakes through the diaphragm and unlocks the jaw and drains the eyes like a storm finally finding ground.
In those moments, the role of a therapist isn’t to talk someone out of their grief. It’s to keep the space safe, steady and non-judgemental while the body does what it’s designed to do: discharge.
Why I suggested Citrine and Rose Quartz to take home
Midway through the session, it became clear he needed something simple to support him between appointments. Something tangible. Something he could hold in his hand when the waves hit.
So I suggested two “crystal friends”:
- Rose Quartz: commonly associated with the heart, soothing, tenderness, and emotional support
- Citrine: often linked with warmth, hope, confidence and gentle forward movement
Many people find Rose Quartz supportive during heartbreak and grief, while Citrine can feel like a small candle of optimism when everything feels dark.
Crystals are not a replacement for therapy, medical care, or the real work of grieving. But they can be powerful anchors: a physical reminder to breathe, soften the shoulders, and come back to the present moment.
Buy ROSE QUARTZ from Shaman’s Crystals
Buy CITRINE from Shaman’s Crystals
The flower essence blend: Star of Bethlehem, Mimulus, Rock Rose
I also created a custom flower essence blend, including:
Star of Bethlehem: after-effects of shock and bereavement
The Bach Centre describes Star of Bethlehem as a remedy used for the after-effects of shock and for the emptiness and loss that can occur when a loved one dies or moves away.
.Buy Star of Bethlehem Bach Flower Remedy
Mimulus: known fears
Mimulus is described as the remedy for fears where you can name what you’re afraid of, the “known fear” category.
In grief, fear often comes in very practical forms: “How do I cope?” “What if I fall apart?” “What if life never feels normal again?”
Buy MIMULUS Bach Flower Remedy
Rock Rose: terror and panic
Rock Rose is commonly described in Bach remedy sources as supporting extreme fear, terror and panic, and it’s also associated with “rescue” style support.
A grounded note on evidence: Bach flower remedies are widely used for emotional support, but scientific evidence is mixed and often considered insufficient by mainstream medical standards.
I’m transparent about this. I offer flower essences as a gentle, non-invasive support layer that many clients enjoy and feel helped by, alongside practical care and appropriate professional support.
Buy ROCK ROSE Bach Flower Remedy
What grief support looks like in my treatment room
This is what you can expect when you come to me for grief support through aromatherapy and massage:
- You will be treated like a human, not a “case”
- The session is paced for your nervous system
- You can talk, or be silent, or cry, or sleep
- You’ll be held in a calm, respectful space
- We can include lymphatic work, gentle touch, and grounding techniques
- If it feels supportive, I may recommend simple home anchors (breathwork, oils, crystals, essences)
And if you need more support than bodywork can provide, I will always encourage you to seek it. Grief is not weakness. It’s love with nowhere to go.
Want this kind of support?
If you’re grieving and your body feels heavy, tight, restless, numb, or simply exhausted, you don’t have to carry it alone.
To book a session in Milton Keynes:
WhatsApp: +447535485082
Email: hello@lisajhealing.co.uk
Please include “Grief Support Session” and your preferred days/times.
(This post is for educational purposes and is not medical advice. If you are in crisis, or you’re struggling to stay safe, please contact emergency services or a qualified mental health professional.)
FAQs
Can massage help with grief?
Massage can be a gentle, supportive way to help the body feel safer during grief. It may ease muscular tension, encourage deeper breathing, and calm the nervous system, which can make it easier to process emotions. It doesn’t “take grief away”, but it can give you a grounded space to soften, release, and feel held.
What essential oils are used for grief support?
I tailor every blend to the person in front of me. For grief support, I often choose oils that feel grounding, soothing, and emotionally balancing. In the session shared in this post I used Black Pepper, Fragonia, and Plai. Your blend will be different, depending on your needs, sensitivities, and preferences.
What happens in a grief support session?
We start with a short check-in so I understand how you’re feeling and what your body needs that day. The session may include slow aromatherapy massage, gentle lymphatic-style techniques, and quiet, steady supportive touch. You can talk, be silent, cry, or rest. Aftercare is always included, and if it feels supportive I may suggest simple take-home anchors (like breathwork, oils, crystals, or flower essences).
Is it normal to cry during a massage?
Yes. It’s very normal. The body can store stress, tension, and emotion, and when it finally relaxes, feelings can move through. Crying isn’t “too much”, it’s often the nervous system letting go. You’ll be met with calm professionalism and care.
How many sessions do people usually book?
It varies. Some people feel supported after one session and use it as a reset during difficult weeks. Others prefer a short run of sessions (for example, 3 sessions over a few weeks) to help the nervous system settle and to support ongoing processing. We’ll choose what feels right for you, with no pressure.
Absolutely, here’s a clean bibliography / link list you can paste at the end of the article. I’ve included the key references I used (MLD basics, evidence context, and flower essence descriptions), plus a couple of reputable aromatherapy safety references.
References & Further Reading
- Cleveland Clinic. Lymphatic Drainage Massage: What It Is & Benefits.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/21768-lymphatic-drainage-massage - National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) – PubMed Central. Manual Lymphatic Drainage: Exploring Its Benefits.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5361017/ - Tisserand Institute / Tisserand Aromatherapy. Black Pepper Essential Oil (safety and profile).
https://www.tisserand.com/products/black-pepper-essential-oil - Oshanhi (UK). All About Fragonia Essential Oil.
https://oshadhi.co.uk/kb/all-about-fragonia-essential-oil/ - Base Formula. Plai Essential Oil (Zingiber cassumunar) overview.
https://www.baseformula.com/plai-essential-oil - Bach Centre (official). Star of Bethlehem (Bach Flower Remedy).
https://bachcentre.com/en/remedies/the-38-remedies/star-of-bethlehem/ - Bach Centre (official). Mimulus (Bach Flower Remedy).
https://bachcentre.com/en/remedies/the-38-remedies/mimulus/ - Nelsons (manufacturer). Bach Original Flower Remedy: Rock Rose.
https://www.nelsons.com/products/bach-original-flower-remedy-rock-rose-20ml - NCBI – PubMed Central. Bach Flower Remedies: A Systematic Review / Evidence Discussion.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2695424/ - Tisserand Institute. Essential Oil Safety Guidance (general).
https://tisserandinstitute.org/safety-guidelines/ - NAHA (National Association for Holistic Aromatherapy). Aromatherapy Safety & Best Practice (general resources).
https://naha.org
